“My ego’s like my stomach it keeps shitting what I feed it….”
When I was in art school I orchestrated this interactive art piece, where I set up a camera and left friends, family, co-workers with a list of cultural questions, the idea was to break down a subculture of los Angeles, and I of course in my lioness fashion wanted to figure out a way to make the project like nothing that had been done before. Really, I didn’t want to work in a group, and I wanted to do something on my own, so my professors let me do the project on myself, but gave me parameters to make the project objective. What came out of this semester long project were a few thing I never expected, I saw the way my peers and family really saw me, and as the film played across the giant glass painting that accompanied the piece, I turned the project into a process piece, having my classmates take pieces of paper or fabric and write notes about the ethnography as this song echoed thru the film in the background.
Years later this song is still special to me though for different reasons. last month I was having a difficult time, though I was sewing, and exercising and trying to stay active, making an effort to see friends, I had been sinking deeper and deeper into depression, and making efforts to talk about it where I could. I checked myself into a mental health hospital after planning to commit suicide, many things had lead up to this moment. I received my denial letter from disability, had my first panic attack, was really going thru it and having a hard time processing it. At first I was going to keep this to myself, I felt this was a private matter, and that it was really no ones business but after marinade on it I’ve decided to let ego go, and I want to let everyone out there know that you are genuinely not alone.
I realized in the hospital that every person in there is the same, is suffering the same, and needs support. If you are hurting don’t be afraid.<p><a href=”http://vimeo.com/111928471″>Demistfyingy mental health, my trip to the crazy house and more fun with epilepsy!</a> from <a href=”http://vimeo.com/user34468692″>Bianca Ward</a> on <a href=”https://vimeo.com”>Vimeo</a>.</p>