I’m hating it here.
I’m hating being unemployed.
I’m hating being alone and stranded.
I hate being stuck alone with my own thoughts with nobody to talk to.
I hate unsure feelings.
I hate being away from the people I love.
I miss using the air conditoner in my car.
I miss my loft.
I miss being able to imagine life was better.
The fact of the matter is that the honeymoon period in my life is over, and its time to be realistic, while I’m still abnormally positive that things will eventually go my way, one of these days, I find it hard to fight the urge to burry my face in fried food and ice cream, I find it hard to fight the urge to smoke 5 packs of cigarettes a day, I fight the urge to pull my face mask over my eyes and sleep all day.
However, this is life, sublime ups and downs, longing to be where you simple cant.
Friday I had an appointment with one of the physicians at the local family practice, I went to check that as a vegetarian I was eating the things to keep me healthy, to start a stop smoking program, and to have my throat checked out. He insulted me, called me a disgusting smoker, insulted my intelligence and claimed I must not have graduated high school if I had choosen to be a smoker, called me abnormal for being a vegetraian and refused to order the lab work needed to asses my health. At the end of the day I requested to see a different physician in the office.I prefer to not be insulted by the same healthcare professionals I ask for help.
My surgery is still sheduled for the 10th, so far no other changes have been made. I will be out of comission and drugged up and sleeping off the the pain.
Hope you are all well, I miss you dearly.