The things that are beyond my control…..

I’m hating it here.

I’m hating being unemployed.

I’m hating being alone and stranded.

I hate being stuck alone with my own thoughts with nobody to talk to.

I hate unsure feelings.

I hate being away from the people I love.

I miss using the air conditoner in my car.

I miss my loft.

I miss being able to imagine life was better.

The fact of the matter is that the honeymoon period in my life is over, and its time to be realistic, while I’m still abnormally positive that things will eventually go my way, one of these days, I find it hard to fight the urge to burry my face in fried food and ice cream, I find it hard to fight the urge to smoke 5 packs of cigarettes a day, I fight the urge to pull my face mask over my eyes and sleep all day.

However, this is life, sublime ups and downs, longing to be where you simple cant.

Friday I had an appointment with one of the physicians at the local family practice, I went to check that as a vegetarian I was eating the things to keep me healthy, to start a stop smoking program, and to have my throat checked out. He insulted me, called me a disgusting smoker, insulted my intelligence and claimed I must not have graduated high school if I had choosen to be a smoker, called me abnormal for being a vegetraian and refused to order the lab work needed to asses my health. At the end of the day I requested to see a different physician in the office.I prefer to not be insulted by the same healthcare professionals I ask for help.

My surgery is still sheduled for the 10th, so far no other changes have been made. I will be out of comission and drugged up and sleeping off the the pain.

Hope you are all well, I miss you dearly.


5 responses to “The things that are beyond my control…..

  1. L to the izzooooooo

    it WILL get better. positive thinking will help.

    in the meantime, i found a loverly recipe for Pom Panna Cotta using a 3:1 ratio BUTTERMILK to cream…which is fantastic — though if you’re going full-blast for a really no-holds barred dinner party with a refined, delicate dessert…flip the ratio 3:1 cream to buttermilk. and buy an exra bottle of pom wonderful solely to make a redux with some orange liquor (grand marnier, not triple sec lol)


  2. L to the izzooooooo

    yah…i forgot the link..

    sorry hehe
    i’m stoned 😀

  3. heya, lil b, i miss you lots!!! is your old # non-functional? i’ve tried to hit you up a coupla times and left some messages, but i haven’t heard back. call me, i’ve got emotional support for days! also, i quit soho. 🙂 stay strong, it will get better, i promise.


  4. OMG I would have fing filed some shit against the dr.

  5. metropolitantard

    My mother told me the same thing, she said I needed to contact the state board to file a complaint, which I plan on doing but I’ve been busy trying to get ready of surgery and working a little.

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